Jokes and riddles

What is the difference between a slide rule and a fish?

You can cook a fish once you've removed its scales.

Why don't accountants use slide rules to cook the books?

Because whilst vegetable stock goes well with anything, a slide rule stock does not go well with paper.

A snake collector had a couple of specimens that didn't seem to want to produce any offspring. One day he happened to mention this to his neighbor, a mathematician. The neighbor thought about it for a minute. Then he suggested taking the snakes to the park near by and put them on a picnic table. Puzzled, the snake man did as he suggested, and lo and behold, immediately the two snakes were entangled in an obvious act. "But why?" the owner exclaimed. "Well", said the neighbor, "these are simply adders and therefore they need log tables to multiply!"

Sent by JM

What is "pi"?

Mathematician: Pi is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter.
Engineer: Pi is about 22/7.
Physicist: Pi is 3.14159 plus or minus 0.000005
Computer Programmer: Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision.
Slide rule collector: I think it is this gauge mark right here...

Sent by JM

How do you change a light bulb with a slide rule?

First you unscrew the light bulb. Then you extend
the slide about one inch . . .

Sent by RK

Did you hear about the engineer who made a bed in the shape of a slide rule?
"I sleep like a log!" he said.

Sent by BT

A a man walked into a slide rule shop with his daughter. He said to the assistant:

"Can you do something for me? My daughter's having difficulty in understanding her new slide rule cursor".

The assistant replied "Certainly, Sir" then turned to the daughter and shouted "You silly girl, if you weren't so stupid and lazy you'd have no problems understanding your rule."

At which point the father interjected - "Why are shouting at my daughter like that?".

"But sir, you said 'My daughter's having difficulty in understanding her new slide rule. Curse her!' "

What is the difference between an introvert and an extrovert nerd?

An extrovert nerd looks at your shoes when he's talking you.