Humourous poems

The limerick is short humorous poem, usually of five lines with a rhyming pattern aabba, though sometimes written as four lines with an internal bb rhyme in the third line. They were developed by the English writer, Edward Lear (1812-1888). For more information see:

http://www.library.utoronto.ca/utel/rp/authors/lear.html

There once was a randy professor
Who whipped out his Keuffel and Esser
    To astound a young maid.
    The result? I'm afraid
He completely failed to impress 'er.

She said "can I please take a peek
At your slide rule, a log-log Unique?"
    As she fingered its stock
    My pulse ran amok
And my knees went all wobbly and weak.

The clerihew is a form of light verse, often of an aabb rhyming pattern. It is notable for marked differences in line length and unusual rhymes. They were originally developed by Edmund Clerihew Bently (1875-1956) as a bored English school boy. For more information see:

http://www.thinks.com/words/clerihew.htm

Another, more familiar, writer who wrote similar verse was Ogden Nash (United States, 1902-1971). For some of his verse see:

http://www.westegg.com/nash/

For the Scottish sport of curling
Scores are calculated using a Stirling.
The English game of cricket
Will normally use a Pickett.

The most famous user of a Sun Hemmi
is Demi
Moore!
Are you sure?

The modern educator
Prefers the calculator.
Twelve digit precision
Must be his mission.

Sent by JM

Other than the above defined formats there is also a long tradition of light verse. In this section anything goes.

Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say:

If you have a Pickett in a scabard in the pocket of your shirt
And your 'puter has destructed so you're feeling rather hurt
And you HAVE to do some figures, calculations.. no resort
Then your pocket pickett rocket is your very best retort!

If your cursor finds an index marker followed by a dash
And the rusty sticking slider puts your window in the trash
And your figures are corrupted 'cause the index doesn't match
Then your situation's hopeless, and your calculations gonna crash!

You can't say this?
What a shame sir!
We will find you
Another game, sir

If the label on the slide rule on the foot stool near your mouse
Says the cursor is inserted in a box in your last house
And the slide is all aside from the inside effects of stress
So the scales beside the rails are as tangled as a nest

Then you may as well just toss it and go out with a bang,
Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting soppy on the desk,
From your weeping and your sobbing at the whole pathetic mess
Then you have to use your memory, or your fingers might be best
Turn off the puter, down the rule and have a great big guess!

You can't do this?
What a fool, sir!
We must find you
Another 'drule, sir!

Written by AD, sent in by GAS.